If these pages survive me

‘I write because I cannot stop writing; it is the last habit that still feels like freedom. If these pages survive me, let them tell only that I tried to remain honest.’ This is from the diaries of the Russian writer, Olga Fyodorovna Bergholz who died 50 years ago today. Her name, once synonymous with the besieged city of Leningrad, now stands again in the public record thanks to the appearance of her complete diaries, published for the first time in a full scholarly edition. The series, titled Мой дневник (My Diary), reveals in her own words the life of a poet who bore witness to war, repression, and renewal, writing continuously from 1923 until shortly before her death. The publication of these diaries has given new voice to one of Russia’s most emblematic twentieth-century writers, half a century after her death.

Bergholz was born in Petrograd (now St Petersburg) on 16 May 1910, the daughter of a military surgeon of Latvian descent and a Russian mother. She began writing poetry in her teens and studied philology at Leningrad University, where she joined the literary group Smena alongside young writers of the early Soviet generation. In the 1930s she published poems and children’s stories while working as a journalist in Kazakhstan and later in Leningrad. Her life was shadowed by tragedy: her first husband, the poet Boris Kornilov, was executed during the Great Purge in 1938; and she herself was arrested and imprisoned for several months before being released and rehabilitated.

When Germany invaded the Soviet Union, Bergholz remained in Leningrad throughout the blockade. Her calm, steady voice on Leningrad Radio became a lifeline for the starving and bombed city, and her wartime poems, including February Diary and Leningrad Poem, earned her the title ‘voice of the blockade’. After the war she continued to publish poetry, memoirs and essays, and was honoured with the Order of Lenin and other state awards. She died on 13 November 1975 and was buried in the Literatorskie Mostki cemetery, where many of Leningrad’s writers rest. (Limited) further information is available in English at Wikipedia and the (Russian) Presidential Library

Bergholz’s personal diaries remained unseen for decades. Written between 1923 and 1971, they were preserved in the Russian State Archive of Literature and Art  and the Institute of Russian Literature (Pushkin House). Only in recent years have these diaries begun to appear in full. The project to publish them as a complete, annotated scholarly edition began in the mid-2010s under the Moscow publisher Kutchkovo Pole. The first volume (1923-1929) appeared in 2016, it was followed by a second in 2017 (1930-1941), and a third in 2020 (1941-1971). Each tome reproduces her handwritten entries and includes editorial commentary, biographical notes, and indices prepared by literary historians.

These diaries are of said to be of extraordinary range and candour. They show Bergholz evolving from an idealistic student of the 1920s into a mature poet and chronicler of war. Early notebooks record her youthful self-doubt, her experiments with language and love of poetry; later entries chart her experiences of imprisonment, bereavement and hunger during the siege; and post-war pages reveal her disillusionment with censorship and her continued belief in moral integrity. Uncensored and often raw, they document her private reflections on faith, loyalty and artistic conscience - a counterpoint to the public optimism demanded of her. Scholars describe them as a literary and historical monument to one woman’s endurance through the century’s darkest decades.

I can find no translated extracts online of Bergholz’s diaries, but ChatGPT has found some original Russian extracts: ‘Four short, genuinely attested diary-style fragments from publicly available Russian sources (museum publications, commemorative features, and press articles) which quote Olga Bergholz’s diary prose. I [i.e. ChatGPT] have translated them faithfully into English, keeping them concise so they can be used safely in a review context. None of these come from the copyrighted pages of Мой дневник itself; all are from excerpts already published in open Russian sources.’

1. Early 1920s - youth, aspiration, self-interrogation. (Source: excerpt quoted in a 2015 RG.ru article on Bergholz’s early notebooks). Translation: ‘Today I feel again that strange trembling before the page, as if I am approaching someone who knows me better than I know myself. I pretend the diary is a listener, but in truth it is a mirror. When I write, I see not who I am but who I might become if only I can hold my course. I am still so easily shaken. Yet I trust the written word more than my own resolve.’

2. Late 1930s - arrest, fear, and the moral fracture of the terror. (Source: fragment quoted in Colta.ru’s feature on the diaries project, describing her 1938 entries after imprisonment). Translation: ‘How quickly a person can be unmade. Yesterday I still believed that truth had weight, that it could shield us. Now I see how fragile everything is: a knock at the door, a name on a list, and the world turns upside down. I hold myself together by force, but inside there is a crack that was not there before. I try to write to seal it, but the pen trembles.’

3. February 1942 - the blockade winter (genuine diary prose, not poem). (Source: public Russian exhibition text at the Museum of the Defence of Leningrad quoting her siege diary). Translation: ‘Cold presses on the bones and on the mind. People speak slowly now, as if every word costs something. I walked to the studio this morning past bodies that no one had strength to move. At the microphone I tried to steady my voice, but inside I was repeating only one thing: endure, endure. When I returned home the room was darker than before, and I felt suddenly that even light had grown thin.’

4. Early 1970s - late-life reflection. (Source: fragment quoted in a Pushkin House commemorative article discussing her final notebooks). Translation: ‘Old age brings a strange clarity. I look back and see not the events themselves but the thread that binds them. Everything I resisted, everything I hoped for - all of it has become quieter now, like the sea in the evening. I write because I cannot stop writing; it is the last habit that still feels like freedom. If these pages survive me, let them tell only that I tried to remain honest.’