Got frantic & burst into tears

‘Lennie came over & I drank some lighter fuel - got frantic & burst into tears - walk in the park & bed at 5AM.’ This is a verbatim extract from the diaries of actor Vivian MacKerrell who died 30 years ago today. Never successful as an actor, his life was so colourful that his friend Bruce Robinson based a film - Withnail & I - on MacKerrell’s character and real-life exploits. Last year, MacKerrell’s diaries from the mid-1970s were put up for auction by Sotheby’s, and rich details of the contents were made publicly available. The lot, however, was withdrawn before sale without explanation.

MacKerrell was born in 1944 in London, the son of a Scottish accountant. He attended Trent College, a private school near Nottingham, and started an acting career in the early 1960s. He performed with Ian McKellen and John Neville at Nottingham Playhouse, before joining the Central School of Speech and Drama in London. During the late 1960s and early 1970s, he had a handful of television and film roles, but his most notable film appearance was in the 1974 horror film Ghost Story, also starring Marianne Faithfull. 

Despite his talent and striking presence, he struggled to secure major film or stage roles, leading to a life of artistic frustration and financial instability. In the mid-1970s, he lived with Bruce Robinson in a dilapidated house in Camden Town, London. However, by this time he had become a heavy drinker and was known for his eccentric behaviour. In his later years, MacKerrell worked for fashion designer Paul Smith in Nottingham. He developed throat cancer in his 40s, and, after a short remission in the mid-1980s, the illness returned and he underwent a laryngectomy. He died on 2 March 1995, in Gloucester. See Wikipedia for more information.

MacKerrell is remembered largely because Robinson used him as a template for Withnail, the dissolute yet charismatic out-of-work actor in Withnail & I - a highly successful and much-loved film written and directed by Robinson. Indeed, Robinson also wove MacKerrell’s real-life exploits, including alcohol-fueled misadventures and a reckless lifestyle, into his film’s script. McKerrell’s life received further exposure when the author Colin Bacon published a memoir, Vivian and I (Quartet, 2010).

Last year, one of the world’s pre-eminent auction houses, Sotheby’s was slated to sell a batch of Mackerrell’s private papers, including diaries - estimated to sell for £12,000-18,000. The auction house said: ‘These diaries, which have never before been seen beyond MacKerrell’s most intimate circle, allow us to hear the original caustic, rebarbative, self-pitying, debauched and hilariously funny voice that inspired Withnail.’ Unfortunately, the lot was withdrawn before the sale, and there’s no been no further news of them. Nevertheless, Sotheby’s substantial information on the lot is still available online. Here is the breakdown of what was in the lot.

i) The Country Gentlemen’s Diary 1974, pre-printed with one week per opening, filled with detailed daily entries beginning 26 January (“. . . Lennie came over & I drank some lighter fuel - got frantic & burst into tears - walk in the park & bed at 5AM. . .”), also with entries recording dreams, lists of songs, and miscellaneous notes, c.121 pages of handwritten text, in blue ink, black ink, and pencil, 8vo (215 x 155mm), blue cloth, binding worn

ii) Personal diary, with regular entries from 14 January to 20 May 1975 (“The diary ends here for the moment as I gradually began to feel better and decided to go up to Islay ...”), with a brief postscript on his visit to Islay, c.176 pages, plus blanks, in black ink and blue ink, 8vo (210 x 153mm), blue cloth

iii) Notebook, with fragments of creative writing in prose, occasional diary entries (26-30 March 1973), draft letters, and other notes, 41 pages, plus blanks, in black, blue and green ink, and pencil, 8vo (200 x 165mm), grey patterned boards

iv-viii) Five photographs of McKerrell: head and shoulders portrait, 204 x 250mm; head and shoulders portrait, 140 x 95mm, studio stamp on the reverse (Charles Domec-Carre of Brixton Hill); quarter-length profile portrait in theatrical costume, 230 x 90mm; sheet of 12 contact prints from a studio session, 251 x 202mm; all photographs creased and with abrasions to reverse where removed from an album’

And here are several partial extracts from MacKerrell’s diaries quoted in the lot press release.

18 March 1974

‘Up 10.00 to find B. had been up all night on coffee & speed - he was writing and fixing up the bathroom.’

25 March 1974

‘Up first - as usual and out for a copy of the Sun and a bottle of red - Bruce’s bunce [unemployment benefit] had not come. He got up after Leslie [Bruce’s girlfriend] had departed an hour late. He ‘phoned them but to no avail so he went out to purchase a bottle of Pernod while I had a bath. When I finished the bath I lashed into the pernicious liquor with him & also into reading Othello. Cassio is a difficult part - another goody goody - at least he displays one flaw getting pissed - shouldn’t have much difficulty there. Got a decent buzz of the Pernod and was slumped in front of the telly when Leslie came back with some soap.’

27 March 1974

‘Up at about 9.30 to go down to sign on with B[ruce]. The labour [exchange] seemed fuller than usual - they’ve cut down on staff - the buggers. After a pint and to Albert while B went to Kentish assio. I read and corrected more of ‘Withnail and I’, his book and when he came back we opened the bottle of Pouilly-Fuissé that L had put out in the window box to chill.’

29 March 1974

‘Up betimes and over to Spread Eagle for wine then another. Then changed into suits & B & I went for a large Pernod as a double bunce arrived for his . . . down to the Little Theatre to see Chick she said if B & I were to do the play she’d be worried about us being stoned - Christ I said - How dare you - and persuaded her that we had discipline at our fingertips . . . Back home by tube and so to kip with copy of men only. God what a fate. Must work work work.’

4 February 1975

‘The afternoon whirred on like the wine and I read a bit and dozed and saw that Margaret ‘Valium’ Thatcher has defeated Ted - and that two hours later ‘The Grocer’ has resigned the leadership.’

16 March 1975

‘I had intended to kip on the couch and nearly away - when I felt this scratching and pattering on my head - a mouse - on the couch I told it to fuck off and it disappeared thank god. The buggers are spreading and no poison can deal with them.’

2 May 1975

‘O Lord the march of time in its inexorable grey cloak - we’re into May now! No job, no chick and no bread - still nil Carborundum. And what is worse - as I peered into the dusty intestinal hall no Bunce! Fuck - I had a fag and coffee and hastened out to a blustery but hazily sunny day.’